i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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