Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
