Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
