He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
