hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
