Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
