i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
