I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
