i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize