Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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