Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
