i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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