3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
