thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
