I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
