I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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