We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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