HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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