I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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