you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
