O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
only you would photoshop your dick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
