Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
