Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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