I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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