Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
