I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
