In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
