She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
