I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
