Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
