I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
