I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
