i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
