we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize