dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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