i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
