I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
