you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
