I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
