i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
