$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
