My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
