I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
