Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
