So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
