Already got asked if we're dating
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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