Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
