sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
