I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
