he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
