I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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