We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
