You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
