Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
