when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drinking out of a sandbucket again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
