Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
