just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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