Just fell off a train. Bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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