Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
