ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
