So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
