I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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