Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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