If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
