Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We got so high we made milksteak
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
