i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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